Collecting your outstanding debt

I now have a home phone for the first time in 8 years.  It came with an Internet and cable bundle...  This has led to an uptick in unsolicited calls looking for people who don't live with me.

After weeks of calls where the caller doesn't listen I've given in and just go along for the ride.  Here's one from Monday.

_______________________
Phone rings and is answered

DARREN
Good evening.

PHONE
(Clicking and buzzing, muzac begins to play) We’re connecting your call, please don’t hang up.

Darren stands by his kitchen counter, intrigues by the connection message and muzac - after 20 seconds someone comes on the line.

CALLER
Hello, is this Donna Phillips?

DARREN
I’m sorry, no one named Donna Phillips lives here.

CALLER
Donna, this is the Ajax Collection agency and we need to speak with you about your outstanding debt.

DARREN
Who’s this?

AMIT
My name is Amit.  Now Donna, you understand you have an outstanding balance don’t you?

DARREN
Hi Amit, where are you calling from?

AMIT
Excuse me?  Umm, I’m in India.

DARREN
(Overly excited)  OOOH!  INDIA!  How fascinating.  To think you’re all the way there, and I'm all the way here.

AMIT
Donna, I need to speak to you about collections.

DARREN
I’m sorry Amit, you’re very hard to understand.  It’s the accent - would you mind speaking more clearly?

AMIT
I’m sorry - I’ll speak slower.  Now about-(get’s cut off)

DARREN
Oh, it’s not the speed, it’s the accent.  You’re very hard to understand - don’t slow down, just enunciate.  Now, what is this call about?

AMIT
Collection on your(get’s cut off)

DARREN
(Overly enthused)  OOOH!  COLLECTIONS!  I love to collect things; comics, porcelain, cats.  Not porcelain cats of course.  What are you collecting?

AMIT
(A bit frustrated) Donna Phillips, I’m calling to speak with you about your debt.

DARREN
Debt?  Donna’s debt?  Goodness me.  Why do you want to speak with me?

AMIT
You know you have an outstanding debt don’t you?

DARREN
Well, no.  But how much is this outstanding debt?

AMIT
It’s $1,500 so(get’s cut off)

DARREN
Well that doesn’t seem like very much.  I’m sure you can let that slide.

AMIT
(Incredulous) Excuse me?

DARREN
That debt.  It doesn’t sound like too much.  Why not just let it go.

AMIT
Donna Phillips you hav(gets cut off.)

DARREN
I’m not Donna.  There’s no one here by that name.

AMIT
Yes you are - you said at the beginning(get’s cut off)

DARREN
I most certainly did not.  I told you right up front no one by the name of Donna was here.  If you go back and listen to the recording you’ll see.

AMIT
I’m hanging up now.

Call ends.
________________

Brother dearest

I think the bullying started somewhere around 5 or 6. Which would've made my brother somewhere in the 7 or 8 age range. The standard name calling, beatings - I lived under a general principal of fear whenever he was around.

So, years later as he lay in his bed, breath coming shallowly, hair matted against his forehead - I leaned down close to his ear and told him it was alright, he could "let go".

This woke him with quite the start - he was 12 - but I really wanted him to know that I was very ready for him to die.