Never Wrong Wong

Christy Wong – at my job, Christy joined the company some years back now. A friend of a friend, she arrived about the same time as PorkChop (see earlier posts), they had a, um, friendly rivalry going. Both were hired the same week, both got promotions the same day (Christy got hers 2 minutes before PC, a fact she lorded over him for as long as she worked there). She was a hard worker (in the beginning), had amazingly red hair, porcelain skin, she was a large girl with a marriage arranged by the Internet.
While at work, she used to speak with a lisp around people in authority, I’m guessing to make herself seem cute & wide eyed.
Anyway, one lunch break she & PC were down in the employee lunch room, discussing things, as you do. Christy could never admit to being wrong about anything. In fact, she was so incredible about coming up with excuses a new term was born – “WongTonging” – this came to mean any fantastic reason as to why something, anything at all, wasn’t your fault.
Sometimes PC would set her up to fail, just so he could go over & hear her WongTong.
That days lunch conversation had turned to the differences between men & women. Christy earnestly explained that men & women’s elbows were different, and that if a man & woman stood with their backs against a wall, a woman could lift up a chair while a man, try though he might, could not.
Well, never one to let a challenge go by, or one to let a chance to prove Christy wrong in front of others, PC immediately said he was sure he could lift a chair while standing against a wall. He promptly got up & did just that.
This of course, meant war.
Christy couldn’t let this go, so she immediately began a series of WongTongs – “No! that’s right, if you’re facing the wall, bent over, with the top of your head touching the wall, a woman can lift a chair but a man can’t.”
PC of course debunked this right away, by turning to the wall, putting his large round head to it & lifting the chair.
“No, no, no – um, wait, yes, that’s right, if you’re facing away from the wall, standing on one foot bending so the top of your head is on the wall a man can’t lift that, that’s right, now I remember.” Christy exclaimed, lisp starting to slip.
Quite the crowd had gathered, and all expectantly turned & watched, as PC, a malevolent gleam in his eyes, as he turned, assumed the position & hoisted the chair into the air.
Christy, a little bead of sweat on her pale brow ran up, grabbed the chair placed one foot on the wall, bent over the chair & said
“No, now I remember, one foot on the ground, one on the wall & if you lift really quickly” well this is the point where she frantically lifted the chair with such force she whacked herself in the forehead.
Hurriedly dropping the chair, grabbing her throbbing skull which now had a red brand standing out from her porcelain skin from where the top of the chair had made contact, sobbed “That’s not it, no, that’s not it.”

Later that afternoon she explained she was going to talk with her mother, who would remember what the difference was.

We never heard about this fabled difference again…