Private Gym

It was a beautiful Los Angeles Saturday afternoon. I arrived at my trainers' early, changed and was ready to go for my private workout session. At the start of the session, I was ordered into a weight vest, and my trainer got out a bicycle.

“Great!” I thought, I get to go for a nice bike ride on a sunny balmy afternoon. Which is when my trainer said “We’re going for a jog”. By “we”, he meant “me” – he got to ride the bike and I got to run.

After about a half mile we arrived at a local park; it had a large basketball court, bars and rings, green grass, swing set and sand pit. It was also packed to the gills with people.

I found myself being led to the chin up bar, which was about 7ft from the ground and in the middle of the park. A nice view for everyone there, which is probably why the bar was bereft of people. Normally I’d be able to jump up and grab a bar that high with no problem. However, that afternoon I had a problem – I’d just been running for a half mile, and I had a weight vest on. At this point, just jumping an inch in the air would have been a feat to behold.

My trainer wasn’t worried, “I’ll help you get up there, don’t worry. Then it’s a set of 10.” I felt rather like a 3-year old as I jumped and he grabbed my vest bodily hoisting me up to the bar. Then it was up and down, up and down – and I guess most people probably aren’t watching me – but it sure felt like it.

Next I landed on the ground and walked/stumbled and over to the grass for pushups. Where apparently my trainer mistook by back for an ottoman – as he began to sit on me to increase the resistance of the pushups.

This was the point where I collapsed face first on the grass and said “I had no idea that personal training also included public humiliation.”

He reassured me that no one was looking, and even if people were they’d just be thinking how strong I was, and what a great workout I was having.

None of which I believed in the slightest. I know if I was watching this particular scene from the sidelines “strong” and “great” would not be two of the adjectives I’d be using.

Of course he wasn’t done yet, and I had to endure another lifting to the bars for more chin ups prior to having to jog back out of the park past all the people who thought I was so strong and great.